I've never met a Friday I didn't like!
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Do you know the difference between a guest towel and toilet paper? No. In that case, don't use our bathroom.
My friend told me he had the body of a Greek God. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday. 2. Tomorrow is not Friday. 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday.
I'm a virgin by choice. Just not my choice.
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stucked her head out and said, "Yes, no, yes, no, yes..."
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs.
There are 27 bones in the human hand. And 28 when I'm lonely.
Why did the hipster drown? He went ice skating before it was cool.
Why aren't unemployment jokes funny? They just don't work.
I met the love of my life... she didn't.