this is

somewhat funny

or inspiring

I met the love of my...

I met the love of my life... she didn't.

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I've never met a Fri...

I've never met a Friday I didn't like!
Do you know the diff...

Do you know the difference between a guest towel and toilet paper? No. In that case, don't use our bathroom.
My dad asked me which Metallica songs I know - I told him I only know one and nothing else matters.
I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.
They say don't go grocery shopping while youre hungry. But it's been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 15 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex. All the slides were just pictures of me.
Guess who woke up to 32 missed calls from their ex? My ex, Lauren. I miss you, please come back to me.
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