Why does Batman wear dark clothes? Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin wear bright clothes? Batman doesn't want to get shot.
I have to brag, I have sex almost every day: almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday...
My dad died after no one could remember his blood type for a transfusion - As he was dying, he kept telling us be positive, be positive. But it's going to be really hard without him.
My wife looked at me and said: "You weren't even listening, were you?" I thought to myself: "What a weird way to start a conversation".
How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? One you will see in a while. The other you will see later.
A friend invited me over to see his new apartment. When I arrived he said 'please make yourself at home'. So I threw him out. I hate guests.
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet? They looked at the reviews and we only have one star.