I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver. It turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.
They say don't go grocery shopping while youre hungry. But it's been a week and I just keep getting hungrier.
When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 15 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex. All the slides were just pictures of me.
Guess who woke up to 32 missed calls from their ex? My ex, Lauren. I miss you, please come back to me.
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it - We went and had some drinks. Cool guy, he wants to be a web developer.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.